Story 10: Reaching the top, with a saddle and a song

When you tell yourself that you can't do something it's more likely that you'll stop trying. It may well be that you really can't do it, but if you don't keep trying how will you ever really know for sure? This week I managed to do two things that I've been telling myself for years I couldn't do. Fortunately, I managed to stop listening to myself long enough to think it was possible to achieve these things and, aw man, were they worth the wait! One involves cycling and one involves singing (...bear with me...!)

1. Reaching the top (cycling)

I've always been rubbish at cycling up hills. At least, that's what I've always told myself. OK, maybe not always. When I was a kid out cycling round the ever-so-safe streets of Cumbernauld (one of Britain's 'new towns'), I wasn't rubbish at cycling up hills. Not that I remember anyway. What I do remember is the very moment when I decided that I was rubbish at hills. We were out for a family cycle along the path from Callander to Strathyre, many moons ago, when my kids were around the same age that I would've been when I was carefree cycling around the streets of Cumbernauld. We came to a big, steep hill. Off they went. All of them. Alex and the kids. Easy peasy. Off I went. Jeeso. I got about a third of the way up and everything stopped working. Not the bike, it was working fine. I just couldn't turn the pedals. So, I stopped. Alex and the kids were at the top, shouting and encouraging me on. 'Come on mum, you can do it!' But, I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. I tried a few times to get going again but it just wasn't happening. 'There must be something wrong with these gears!' I shouted up to Alex. So, he came down the hill and tried to help. Gears were fine. With a wee bit of a push and a big bit of encouragement I managed to get going again. For a few yards. Then I stopped. Everything stopped working again. Sod it. I can't do this. I'm a rubbish cyclist and I can't cycle up hills. So, I got off my bike and pushed it the rest of the way. And, ever since, I've believed that I'm rubbish at cycling up hills. Now, you might say, is that really such a big deal?! Well, no, I could definitely have got through the rest of my life without managing to comfortably cycle up a steep hill. But, aw man, what would I have been missing?!! During our cycle last Sunday, from Dunkeld to Perth and back (a few more details here) I managed to cycle up every hill without stopping and it felt totally awesome! Now, I don't think that's because I've become super-fit during these past few weeks; what I do think has changed is my attitude to trying to reach the top. Instead of starting at the bottom, looking up and thinking to myself 'I'm never going to manage this one...', I approached each of the hills on Sunday with the words of Rebecca Ramsay ringing in my ears 'Head out to the hills and enjoy their magic' (along with some of the more practical advice that I'd read on her site). And I guess this would've sounded ridiculous to me a few weeks ago - but it really was magic! I did it! And it felt great! I'm not rubbish at cycling up hills! OK, I'm still pretty rubbish at cycling up hills because a few walkers almost passed us on the way, but the point is that I can do it. I'm telling myself I can do it - or, I can at least keep trying to do it instead of keeping on saying 'nope, I'm rubbish at that, no point in even trying. Alex, gies a push..!' And that's how I'll continue to reach the top of big hills. Maybe not always quite managing it, but I'll be giving it a better go with a better attitude.

2. Reaching the top (singing)

First, I don't mean reaching the top in a talent competition or anything like that! No, I'm trying to be metaphorical here! Second, I should probably explain why there's stuff about singing on a cycling blog. Well, reference to singing's likely to crop up every now and again on this wee blog as it's something that I love and something that I do a lot of with my choir. And, the buzz that I'm getting from my cycling exploits is pretty similar to the buzz that I get from our choir exploits. I don't have a sore butt, or handle bar palsy after choir practice, but I do feel the buzz from the flow of endorphins in the exact same way as I do after a cycle. After a bad experience involving a Greek Island, a packed pub, copious amounts of alcohol, and taking the microphone to sing a very flat version of 'Oh Ye Cannae Shove Yer Granny Aff A Bus', I swore never to sing on my own in public again. I told myself that I couldn't sing solo. I thought I'd be rubbish at it and sing flat. But being a member of the Heart of Scotland Choir (no ordinary choir; more Madonna than Mendelssohn) gave me the confidence to try again and for the past year or so I've been able to walk to the microphone at the front of the choir (still pretty nervously) and sing a few solo parts. However, I still had another demon to conquer. One of my music teachers at school, many moons ago, told me that I should stick to singing low songs as I sounded 'screechy' when I hit the high notes. So, I stopped singing high notes. Because I was rubbish at it. My music teacher said so, so it must've been true. Even in the shower at home. I just didn't do the high notes. But, choir leaders Annie and Jane don't really do 'don't do', they do 'we're pretty sure you can do' and 'we'll help give you the confidence to do what we know you can do'. And, 'even if we don't know that you can do, we're going to give you a go if you'd like to have a go!' (Are you keeping up with this..?!) And so it was that last night I stood in front of the microphone in The Great Hall of Stirling Castle and sang some high notes. I thought I sounded screechy, because I've been telling myself for 30 years that I sound screechy when I sing high notes. But it seemed to go down well and, once I'd stopped shaking, I got such a buzz from reaching those top notes. Just like with the cycling, I might not always manage it, and sometimes I might sound a bit screechy or not quite make it all the way, but that doesn't mean I should stop trying.

So, there you go. Reaching the top with my saddle and a song. A great way to start the weekend!